Where is our captain?

The current captain has been out of touch since the mid-1960s due to being incarcerated for goat-buggery. Since Pirate tradition requires that any new captain assume the office after the death of the priovious one (usually by causing said death), we have had to resort to a captain-free crew for decades. Various ambitious Pirates over the years have tried to get close enough to the captain to knife him, but that requires first getting into prison with him. As it is never that difficult for Pirates to get arrested, the main challenge has been getting arrested and charged with a similar crime so the new captain winds up in the same cell block as the old one, and can thus knife him.

The original charge of goat-buggery was entered into court records back in 1884, when Captain Merv "the perv" Packwood, grandfather of a former U.S. senator, woke up in the petting zoo after a drunken night of plundering. Since then, at least 42 ambitious Pirates have taken the bold step of buggering a goat, getting arrested, pleading guilty and eventually stabbing the reigning captain and assuming captaincy over the  Infernal Order of Pirates, Buccaneers, Scallywags, Privateers and Grocery Store Clerks. There have also been around 35 Pirates who attempted to attain captaincy but buggered the wrong animals (sheep, emus, politicians) and were given sentences too different from the original captain, and thus never got close enough to stab him.

Thus, us Pirate Historians have had to sort of hold things together for well over a century. We never, ever, make mistakes, of course.

-Dave The Horrible
Chief Historian and Owner of a Strange Cat.

more:

Pirates go underground!

Poop-flinging Monkey saves the day!

Where did our (current) historian come from?

Where is the Pirate Captain?

Flagship named in honor of Militia Commander?!?

Bare Asses of the Isle of Sauvie

Photos and blogs from the most recent Plunderathon!