Drunken Rampage Events | If you are reading this, you need an alibi. drunken rampage events, Portland's Pirates! Pirates in Portland!
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| Dependence Day! America is still a colony of Great Britain, tea is the drink of choice for all colonists, gin, bowler hats, pipes and pith helmets. Art galleries and steampunk attire are likely, and uppitty colonists may declare war on you the next day. Pip pip, cheerio and see you there! - - Ya wanna know aboutthe UNSCHEDULED ones? Really? Sign up for our newsletter, and if we are somewhat sober when we are roped into them, we will let you know. |
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Hey! This crap costs money! Well, not for participating in the event, that's free, but the website hosting and name registration costs us money, the cards and maps we print, the mailings to bar owners, bail. . . . point is, send us a couple bucks if you have the inclination. We will very likely apply your donation to website expenses or event expenses and NOT blow it on booze. Ok, somewhat likely. I's a paypal link, and you can donate as little as a penny. |
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Schedule is up! Sorta! Not really!
Every June 14 for 165 years without fail, We Pirates have raided the town of Port-Land in revenge for the acts of Lawyerly lawyerness by a lawyer on that sad day all those rum-soaked years ago when a slimy, rotten, evil lawyer SCREWED We Pirates out of our rightful share of the city. Thus each year, We Pirates rampage around demanding rum, firing cannons, wenching, shivering timbers and generally lowering the property value of the fair town of Port-Land. Over the last 165 years, some places have seriously wronged the Pirate Horde, and have been permanently placed on the list of victims who recieve special torment. After these places are burned to the ground, we come back the next year and victimize whoever has built a new business on that spot. Fortunately for us Pirates, most people tend to build bars and strip clubs on the site of our old victims, so even if we are raiding a bar that opened last year, there is a lot of history behind it. History, dead bodies and quite often several Pirates who snuck behind the place to wench and bugger their hearts out before returning to the plunder. This event be "family-friendly" in the same manner that a live cage match between a hog-tied landlubber and a hungry mountain lion be. We Pirates don't really care if ye landlubbery types have yer little shipmonkeys removed by the militia and placed in therapy for a few decades, but the court system be takin' a bleak view o' parental landlubbers who be too mind-bogglingly stupid to realize that they should not bring kids to events that are run by a group called "Drunken Rampage," feature sex-toy-launching apparatuses and routinely wind up in porn shops at some point. We Pirates be not "cute" nor "fun" in the Disney sense o' the word, more like the "ow! Topless Piratess with a bullwhip just drew blood! What the? Put that dow . . . OW! HELP! POLICE! These Pirates are . . . where are you going to put that. . . OH MY GOD THAT HURTS! ! ! Why are you feeding rum to the . . . is that a human hand? What are those three Pirates doing in that alleyway without pants? Where on earth did you get a live emu? " kind o' way.
HEY! Wanna help? We don't actually make money at this. In fact, we pass the hat among our friends to raise cash to buy the props, game items and some of the prizes that you enjoy at these events (some prizes are donated by local businesses). It costs a hell of a lot of cash to put one of these things together, and we don't want it to become some lame-ass MTV-esque corporate sellout thing. I doubt a corporate event would let us do . . . anything. Anything even remotely cool. So, hey, we are hurting! We need yer pieces of eight! Cash! Money! Dubloons . . . er, dobloons. . . dublones . . however the hell that is spelled.
- - - Size:Fucking massive. 200-300 Pirates at any given time, plus ships, monkeys, etc. Sponsors (We can't afford to do this crap without them, so toss 'em yer business, or next year ye will be havin' to fork over more dobloons fer' the plunderin!):
For last-minute updates, you really should join our mailing list. We are not great at keeping it up, but we do send out alerts when a great event is dropped in our lap, as well as monthly-ish updates. - Side Rampages: We try to be good between Rampages, we really do . . . ok, no we don't. Recommended for June, 2008 is:
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