Logo, Bitches! This text appears because you kicked puppies a lot in a previous life
--- 2012 info not up yet. 2010 info below ---



September 25th 6pm is Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day! It is a free-range Rampage. Created by Dresden Codak.

View Time Travel 2010 in a larger map

Take a tour of the 21st century! Fix holes in the space-time continum! Freak the hell out of normal people! NEVER TELL THEM YOU ARE A TIME TRAVELER! The starting bar is the only bar we will tell you about (Candy, on NW 9th and Couch). The rest you have to find within the Time Rift Zone. They will all have the Time Travel Logo (below) visible somehow. Time Tours, scavenger hunts, bingo cards and side missions are available on documents held at the bars or with the bike-mounted Time Cops.

(Shown: a Time Cop badge from Officer #24601, mildly scorched due to a disintigration beam)

That's it. You don't need more details than that. Don't make us hold your hand on this or we will call you names and tell your parents they fucked up raising you.

Universal Time Traveler Symbol

The Universal Time Traveler Symbol has been in use for thousands of years and thus is often spotted made of stone, wood, iron, plastic, neoplastic, berilliosilicate or cheese. It is often hard to spot, but marks places of interest to Time Travelers, safe houses, other Time Travelers, information points or danger zones. Click HERE to get a copy of the symbol to wear so other Time Travelers can spot you.
Archeologists uncovered this Time Traveler Safe House sign from a long-extinct timeline shortly after the last migration of humans from Earth to the Outer Velour Colonies This late Roman Era safe house sign was made of steel, bronze and copper, with wooden pillars in the center. A rare Stone Age specimine, this was discovered after the Smithsonian Museum was sold to private investors in ce2141. The last curator had been using it as a back-massager.
[[[ Image Redacted ]]]
This perfect specimin was uncovered by archeologists in the [[[redacted]]] era, from the site of [[[redacted]]], also known as the birthplace of [[[redacted]]]. The latter half of the 20th century produced this sign, made of various polymers and styled in what scholars say were the colors of conservative religious leaders of the era. Though made of five kinds of wood (and small bronze nails as well as the standard Flux Capacitized tubing), this is actually an Iron Age relic. The safe house simply could not afford any ironworkers.


This text blatantly stolen from the dude who writes Dresden Codak.

1) Utopian/cliché Future - “If the Future did a documentary of the last fifty years, this is how badly the reenactors would dress.”
Think Star Trek: TNG or the Time Travelers from Hob. Ever see how the society in Futurama sees the 20th century? Run with it. Your job is to dress with moderately anachronistic clothing and speak in slang from varying decades.
Here are some good starters: -

Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: “Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?” “What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?” and “Your king must be a kindly soul!” -

Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.

2) Dystopian Future - This one offers a little more flexibility. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Freejack. The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there.
Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they’ve gone back in time. Some starters: - If you go the “prisoner who’s escaped the future” try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you’ve never seen it before. - Walk up to random people and say “WHAT YEAR IS THIS?” and when they tell you, get quiet and then say “Then there’s still time!” and run off. - Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell “NOOOOOOOOO” - Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished. - Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say “In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that.” Then slip away.

2) The Past - This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture’s set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers: - Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while. - Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic grocery doors. Stay there for hours playing with it. - Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially scary.


Message #152.ψ.532.1-(b)
From: Dr. Endio Thomass, Office of Temporal Control, Enforcement and Lubrication- Research Division
To: All field agents
Subject: Potential space/time rift in the 21st century, first half, North American continent.

To all field agents,

Temporal computers have analyzed the after effects of the explosion of star Santorum 581, after the recent war between Earth and Santorum 581 Beta that ended with the detonation of the now-declassified FMLFM-SBAS bomb. A shockwave of smelly, slippery matter from the explosion seems to have created several small tears in the fabric of space-time leading to a generalized gamma-type rift cluster singularity.

The perihelion of the cluster's curving trajectory as it falls into a brown hole is centered on the planet Earth in the North American Continent on the date of 423.321.b(21)-2, or using the calendar of the culture experiencing the rift, "September 25, 2010, between 6 and 10 of the clock, post-M."

For those unfamiliar with such obscure time measurements, little knowledge of this period exists. Our textbooks say this would be a time span approximately 1/6th of a solar day, in the latter part of the sunlight period and the earlier part of the dark period at the season where the planet begins its yearly cooling cycle. Local inhabitants have not lost their primeval fear of fire, and thus spend most of the year artificially causing millions of drops of water to fall from the sky constantly at this time of year in an effort to keep the fire demons of their lore from rising up from the ground and deflowering both of their remaining virgins.

The name "September" comes from the language of the people inhabiting the continent at the time, and was the last name of their ruler, "Barrak Septembero," according to archeologists (later renamed "Baracazar the Destroyer" after the famous bitch-slapping-an-uppittye-newspaper-reporter incident in the fall of this same year, and the follow-up combat strikes by an organization known as "Foxy Noose," which had somehow managed to arm itself rather massively after their owner got drunk and wanted to see what happened when he hit every speed-dial button on his telephone at the same time).

"2010" is the reference to the number of years since the culture discovered the wheel, an event they marked every spring with ceremonial slaughter of a creature called the "Energizer Bunny" and the scattering of its eggs to prevent it from overpopulating. A "clock" is a primitive time-measuring device that was only capable of displaying 12 numbers at a time, and the abbreviation "PM" apparently referenced the gender of the time keeper (though modern archeologists dispute this, as the only other gender referenced by this device would be "AM," which means the other 17 known genders would have been unaccounted for).

The time rift is erratically framed in time, but securely framed in space due to the shockwave's high frothiness. Thus, tears in time to practically every era of human life will occur, with people from most any time span being dumped into the time zone. This will present a major problem for Time Enforcement Officers. Luckily, the Time Zone's borders are very solidly defined. Our researchers have found the four boundaries of the rift, and assigned names to them that correlate to contemporary landmarks.

The borders will be:

"NW 13th Ave" - apparently some sort of agricultural zone where the local inhabitants grew their vehicles. The ground is a hard, flat dark-colored surface with the vehicles along the edges until they ripen. This technology is now lost to us, so please observe it and bring back what information you can.

"Burnside" - apparently an old fortification used to isolate the lesser end of town known for terrifying creatures such as "yuppies" and "charity canvassers in polo shirts" from crossing to the safe zone at the northern end of town.

"NW Park Ave (East)" - a geological fault line, entirely abandoned by the local people and overgrown with some sort of tall plantlife and small bands of roaming scavengers.

"NW Johnson St" - archive images show this to have been a long, thin zone full of vegetation and strange boxlike structures on each side.

Time Police will establish a safe house on the edge of the Time Rift Zone to provide a safe haven for those caught in the rift, ether involuntarily or those who are part of the increasingly popular illegal hobby of Artificial Time Travel. The Safe house will be disguised as a contemporary establishment named "Candy" that appears to be either a brothel or a place that produces sweet-tasting snacks of the kind popular with young children of the era. Archeologists have examined the site and have come up with a third theory based on the art: The place was a nunnery, where fathers would store their 17-23 year old daughters and fill them with sugary snacks to prevent the local males from filling them with reproductive fluids. The archeologists then demanded more research money, and have never been seen again.

The safe house will provide food and intoxicating beverages to people (in this era before the invention of the Orgasm Headband, people often voluntarily consumed various toxic substances for recreational as well as mating purposes). Further safe locations will be established within the Time Rift Zone and will be marked with the universal symbol for Time Travel (see attached image in 5-D format, 4-D format and the obsolete 2-D format that is common of the technology of the era). Their location will not be disclosed and must be found through exploration.

Several rift events have been calculated and will be logged on information devices called "paypar," a plant-based flat information storage device. These devices do NOT have telepathic nor motion-sensing abilities! We are as yet unsure how loud they are, so if your hearing is still natural, or you have not had the latest cyberware upgrade, you may have to learn to use the visual recording system called "reading." Sub-ether lessons are available for a nominal fee through your local Time Police. The paypar information will be located at all the safe areas to be picked up.

Remember the rules:

* You may not tell anyone you are a Time Traveler.
* You may NOT tell anyone you are a Time Traveler!
* You may wear the distinctive Time Traveler symbol (attached, though adhesive versions will be available for free at the safe houses, as well as sturdier versions for a nominal fee) to identify yourself to other Time Travelers.
* If you go on a Time Tour, be sure your guide is a fully-licensed Earthologist with certification for 21st-century interaction.
* You still may not tell anyone you are a Time Traveler.
* To acquire food (or the "drinks" that are made of the toxic substances of the time. Be sure to bring a back-up liver module!), carry "Money" that you can pick up from your local Time Police office for a nominal fee. Give it to the humans behind the large table at the establishments that display the Time Travel symbol.
* When you make it to a safe house and pick up the paypar, do NOT let any non-Time Travelers see it, though you may ask them directions if you have learned how to audibly communicate with them.
* Do not leave the Time Rift Zone

Time Police agents may contact you. Remember: you are not allowed to disintegrate them, as they are expensive and it takes too much energy to grow new ones. The Time Police agents are good resources, as they can give you directions to contemporary landmarks, tell you when and where to expect overlapping rift events, advise you where to locate other Time Travelers or help you stay inconspicuous. They will be displaying the Time Travel Badge and mounted on a two-wheeled chassis for mobility (levitation being uncommon in this era).

Please direct further inquiries to PhDWhoever@drunkenrampage.com

/end message



The next event is The 169th Annual PLUNDERATHON!


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