MAY OF THE DEAD

Yeah, Zombies. Duh. We were gonna go with a Jesus joke here, but it's been done to death, so we are just going with Zombies. In May. 'Cuz October is just too damn cliche'.

It's Saturday, May 14 at 7pm starting at Holladay Park.

Follow them on Twitter at @zombiewalkpdx for breaking details (which we will likely mirror on our Twitter thingy). Or pray to whatever platapus god you worship that we will remember to send out an update with that information.

There are plans of multiple end points ('cuz, ya know . . . fake IDs are hard to come by and there are some younger Zombies ...) and various things along the route. The organizers swear they will send us an update to post here, since people who find out about events through this website need, uh, "special" information to keep them from going to jail or getting eaten by a grue.

In the mean time, tips:

1) There is a quite wide line between "acting the part of a Zombie and having a good time" and "being a complete shitbag by smearing food coloring and corn syrup on bystanders, shop windows and small children no matter how hilarious it is when the small children cry real tears." There are fewer and fewer volunteers willing to buy cleaning supplies out of their own pockets and apologize on your behalf to keep your ass out of jail lately, so our new policy is to beat you with an ax handle until you have enough real blood to be convincing.

2) Costume tip: go to a thrift store, buy an outfit, and just beat the hell out of it for a while. Drive over it, rip it, hit it with a hammer, whatever.

3) Coffee grounds are your friend. Seriously. After you destroy your clothes, get them wet, RANDOMLY spread coffee grounds all over them, wad them up in a wrinkly ball and let sit for two hours. Then shake out. Give it that nice gravedirt look, and it smells like, well, coffee.

4) Hair - if you have some, find a guy with a comb-over, point to your hair, and smile smugly. The resulting beating you get will make your blood look more realistic. Also, stick some leaves in it or something; they will wash out later.

5) Makeup - This is always tricky, because there are soooooo many ways to do it, from cheapass babypowder to high-end Hollywood latex prosthetics. Here is the quick, easy laziest way we have found: Get a spray bottle, fill it with water (if you want to be fancy, get glycerine from the drug store. It's cheap, and the main ingredient in most moisturizers. Water it down enough that you can spray a fine mist of it). Spray yourself, then squeeze a babypowder container in front of you to make a dust cloud. Hold your breath and run through it a few times. Pale, ashy skin cheap and easy. Then take some charcoal, grind it to a powder, and have a friend put it in their palm and blow it in your face. Then yell and curse and cry because you forgot to close your eyes, and repeat the process after showering.

6) blood - most people use red food coloring and corn syrup for blood. Most people are fucking idiots that will be sticky, staining idiots who get beaten by ax handles. Try something red and nonsticky (and easily washable) like corn starch or flour boiled in water (to make the base for the blood), cherry juice (for the red. Really, stains much less than food coloring) and a bit of coco powder (to make it less transparent and darker). OR - bribe DaveTheGreat, who claims to have actually figured out all the stuff that real blood contains, procured samples of real blood, and discovered a recipe that looks, feels and dries exactly like the real thing. He won't share the recipe with you, but may give you a bottle of it.

7) wounds - Again, everything from high-end to lazyass works, but here is the lazy form: corn flakes and glue made from flour and boiling water that has some cherry juice and coco in it looks like shredded flesh. Do the same thing with flour that you roll out (maybe add an egg white) really thin and it looks like skin peeling. Take pantyhose, fill it with sponges and tie it in knots every few inches, soak it in blood and it looks a lot like intestines. Cut off your left arm and you look exactly like your arm is missing. Getting addicted to meth will create very realistic scabs and scratchmarks as well as that gaunt look that is very zombielike. Lastly, holding your breath for 20-30 minutes while a friend reads from ancient magical tomes creates the very realistic impression that Darwin was right all along,

8) Safety - Bruce Campbell lives here in Oregon. When in costume, avoid him at all costs. If you don't know why, there is really no hope for you, and please repeat all of tip #8 as many times as possible. You can follow him on Twitter (@GroovyChin), which may let you know of his current whereabouts.